I have no words to thank Him enough to have had mercy on me.. no matter what I will not stop walking by His laws to bring His laws to His people.. Amen
I remember, when I was very ill at the hospital, (down with endometrial cancer and heart artries clogged, I didnt know then but I knew something terrible has happened cuz life just froze suddenly and I could not walk, apparently all was well but inside I was dying with excruciating pain) I looked around me, there were too many people in a general ward, so noisy that I wished I went deaf, I did not want to hear anything.. in those days, (2004) I had faith but I did not know what God looked like, or what form He was in.. all I knew He was there, He was He, He was mine, I just wanted to die at peace in Him.. I was too weak and feable then, I just remembered psalm 23, a few lines of it actually, that I kept reciting (I was mostly dosed with painkillers) only later to request a christian nurse to write it for me..
I used to look for Him in the Words, I actually used to cling to the Bible to hide in it, plead to my people to let me die peacefully... only to find Him inside me.. Oh what pleasure I had that one moment when He actually held me out.. living and live, higher than the skies, lighter than feather, fountain of love...
He told me I had nothing to fear and hold His hand.. I knew then, all will be just fine... Still afraid, I told Him.. Father, I have many questions that I have no answers to, He said, "I am here with you." I said to Him, "I am scared they will cut me of, I will never walk againf" He said, "Walk, you will.. as whole as you are now." He showed me the person who He was to work with to fix me.. I saw that doctor with blurry, pain filled eyes in the corridors of the hospital, later to find out he was head of the department. I went chasing him like a baby duck, I didnt know how to tell him about God.. He scoulded me like anything, people thought I was going crazy.. but I knew that if only he would operate, I will live again.. because my God told me so.. till the day i was to have my 4th and last operation, the doctor had refused to be there for me, I tried till the last moment, he put me off and said there were other high qualified doctors to operate on me, that one last moment, I closed my eyes, and kept my silence. For one moment, I thought my time is over actually and I am just having illusions due to my medication.. My name came up in the list miraculously, and I went over with a very heavy heart, I had not seen my daughter in many weeks, and that one moment I was glad, it would be easy for her to live hating me.. and easy for me to die like this.. To my amazement, as soon as the anaesthat was to give me anaesthesia, (work-up cuz of heart) I noticed people running around, I asked the doc what happened, he said, professor is here to operate on you.. my heart jumped in my throat with tears of joy, I knew then, I was coming back.. FAITH ANSWERED, FAITH RESCUED, FAITH RELIVED...